Ellen Adarna on having anxiety, depression, and PTSD: 'At first I thought I was gonna die'
While under home quarantine following her trip to Bali, Indonesia, Ellen Adarna finally opens up about the mental health issues that prompted her to consult a psychiatrist and try a mental health program abroad.
In an 8-minute video on her Instagram account, Ellen shared what led to her try an intense mental health training.
“I've been getting a lot of questions about my mental health training in Bali,” she said.
The Kokoro Program, which involved a 14-day mental training, was accomplished by Ellen earlier this month.
She revealed that she consulted two psychiatrists and received professional mental health advice. “I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder.”
Ellen refused to go into specifics about what triggered her mental health issues, “I don't want to talk about it in detail because it's something very personal.
“But so many things happened all at once,” she added.
She shared the steps she took to improve her state of mind, “I did counseling and a lot of talking. Yes, I was on medications. I was on a lot of tranquilizers," she said in the video.
Ellen then detailed what she felt during her periods of depression and panic attacks.
"My panic attacks were really, really bad to the point that my body would shake and then I'd puke. It was so weird.”
“At first I thought I was gonna die because everything was getting hard, my muscles were getting so stiff and I felt like I couldn't breathe," she narrated.
"So that was my anxiety, and then I was just also very sad. I was in a very dark place for two years, almost 3 years."
She also mentioned that her medications made her feel numb and lethargic so she decided to stop taking them.
"I was always sleeping. I'd wake up, and think about sleeping again. I would eat in bed. I wouldn't even shower for days. I was just in bed all the time.”
“If I try to think about those two years, it's a blur," she admitted. "I basically slept for almost 3 years. That was it."
After stopping her medication, Ellen shared she then went on a month-long vacation with her family, during which actually made her depression worsened.
"I thought I was getting better but I wasn't. I was in a nice country, went to nice places, and I still felt the same. It made it even worse because at that time I didn't bring my pills and I was in a nice country with my family, and I was just still sad and I felt really empty," she said.
This was when she decided to do "mental training" under the Kokoro Program in Bali to combat her depressive mood.
In the caption of her post, she assured everyone that she's doing better.
"No more meds and sadness...just love and smiles. I'm out of that black hole," she said.
Ellen Adarna went on a showbiz hiatus in 2017, after getting pregnant with her child with John Lloyd Cruz. The two have a son named Elias. Ellen and John Lloyd reportedly broke up in 2019.